


Sanity Check

by ThatWasntSoBad



Series: Phoenix Shepard/Kaidan Alenko [2]
Category: Mass Effect, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Mass Effect 3, Romance, really bad flirting :)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:00:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24004735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatWasntSoBad/pseuds/ThatWasntSoBad
Summary: First kiss between Kaidan and Shepard in Mass 3, putting everything behind them and starting again whilst picking up where they left off.
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard
Series: Phoenix Shepard/Kaidan Alenko [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1720840
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	Sanity Check

It was almost mystifying to feel relief from one, short conversation. Phoenix allowed herself to take her time as she drank. Truthfully, Kaidan had almost forced her to through encouragement. Not that she complained. It was nice to hold hands from across the table, to not feel like she had to hide away her feelings for the sake of a mission that had a higher probability of failure than success. 

It felt  _ good  _ to walk along a quiet spot on the Presidium with the person she loved. Maybe their hands weren’t clasped together with fingers woven, but they brushed together as they walked until she casually wrapped her little finger around his index. She pretended not to notice the humoured expression that bore into the side of her face, not until he responded by holding her hand, fingers woven.

The warmth of his palm was what took her by surprise for a brief second before she gave him a knowing side-eye and gently squeezed his hand with a tender smile. In a couple of moments, she had tugged his hand to follow her down a left turn - which led to a more secluded area.

No one that passed seemed to notice the Alliance soldiers, breaking regulations without a care in the universe. And if they noticed, they didn’t care.

It was widely believed that war was not the place for love - she would have agreed if she had never met Kaidan. But what if it was? You either die with the regret of not telling someone you loved them, or you watch the person you love die regardless of confession or their lack of. What they had before had already been ripped away from them once, and she would always regret not trying again.

Perhaps war was not the place for love, but love belonged to it - as it belonged everywhere.    
  
Eventually, the couple came to a stop at a plaza overlooking the Presidium. The Krogan statue, the fountain and the conduit were in view. She found herself staring at the relay - she wondered how many others knew that it was the only relay made by the Protheans - a one way trip from Illos to the Citadel. From the dozen that survived, only to die from starvation days after their journey, amidst the rubble of what was once the hub of their empire.

It should have seemed like very little time had passed between Saren and now, but it felt like a lifetime.   
  
Or two, in her case.   
  
It was weird to see a Mass Relay and know that she was one of the few who knew its twin’s location. It was weird to see a story behind it. To feel a sense of nostalgia. To know that the first time she broke regs she broke every alliance oath in one sitting: ‘fraternisation’ was just the cherry on top. And the only rule she cherished breaking.

  
_ “Phoenix?” _   
The first time he called her that was in the comm room after Virmire - a definite breach on Alliance regulations. But no one cared. Least of all her. In fact, the only one who  _ did  _ care was himself. He apologised for it after, when she checked up on him. But she didn’t think he needed to be sorry for calling her by her name.   
  
The second time he slipped up was at lunch on the way back to the Normandy after they’d been forced into lockdown, sat a café table in the Presidium in full gear. She had whipped cream on the tip of her nose - she was mortified at that if the sweat prickling her back was anything to go by.   
  
But the third time was also the first time he’d said her name deliberately. No catching it. No correcting it. That was on the way to Illos. Truthfully, he had called her by her name a few time that night. Yet the one she held the closest to her, was when they were tangled in the sheets, lost in a sleepy haze; bodies pressed together. It was better to remember than the last time, amidst smoke and ringing alarms, where a goodbye couldn’t be given.    
  
Kaidan weaving an arm around her waist was what bought her out of her reprieve. He pulled her in just a little closer, and, in response, Phoenix looked at him in amusement and silent confusion.   
  
“Hey there.”   
  
“Hey, Kaidan.”   
  
“Care to tell me what you were thinking about?”   
  
She couldn’t help but release a short breath of amusement. “Just how long it’s been since we stopped Saren. It made me realise that we… I took a lot for granted.” She shifted to face him fully, leaning against the balcony. “I never told you how terrified I was for a while after Mars, did I?”   
  
“Can’t say that I heard you tell me.” He mirrored her stance. “But you’re easier to read than I remember.”   
  
“With how long you used to stare at me I’d be surprised if you didn’t pick up my ‘tells’.”   
  
“Ouch. Should have expected that one, huh?” Phoenix hummed with a smile and he continued. “We let time slip through our fingers.” As if emphasising his point, Kaidan took her hand. He raised it enough so their palms touched, splayed fingers pressed together. “Which is why,  _ Phoenix _ , we’re gonna make the most of what we have now.”   
  
Phoenix took it upon herself to slip her fingers between his. “If you continue saying my name like that, I think we’ll take other things for granted.”   
  
“Careful, Commander. You may be abusing your authority.”   
  
“Really?" She released his hand and draped her arms over his shoulders, grasping her hands, and stood toe to toe with the taller male. "I thought you were the higher rank, Major.”

"Only by one." His hands were upon her waist and she tilted her head up to look him in the eyes as he spoke. She noted how his lips were curved with a smugness she hadn't seen before. 

"I see. Not that the two ranks between us mattered last time." He raised and lowered a brow, signifying his agreement. "We have some time to make up for, so what say we do this again sometime? Maybe a quick 'sanity check' each time we come here?"   
  
"I'd like that." Kaidan leaned forward and their noses brushed against each others’ as their foreheads touched. 

They enjoyed each other’s company at that moment and Phoenix allowed herself to lower her guard. To focus on her present, rather than the galaxy’s present. To  _ feel  _ and hear, to see and smell. To pay attention to the gentleness in which his arms shifted around her waist to hold her to him, rather than in place.   
  
There was never enough moments like this before - they never  _ truly  _ had the chance. Those that they did have, she assumed there would be more. She never  _ truly  _ took notice of the small things until she thought about it. She took them for granted. She wasn’t going to do that again.

Phoenix pressed a chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth before moving back enough to look at Kaidan again, just for a moment before they made their way back to The Normandy. But she couldn’t bring herself to move away. Not yet. Not when words were on the tip of her tongue.   
  
Yet they were stolen from her when she felt his lips upon hers - gentle yet firm. She returned the kiss and slowly brought her arms closer to her until one hand was at the base of his neck, the other cupping his cheek. Warmth spread through her form at the contact - like a warm drink on a cold day or the late spring sun amidst a cold breeze.   
  
When the kiss parted, Phoenix felt a gentle warmth at her cheeks when saw Kaidan hold her hand against his cheek.   
“I love you, Kaidan.”   
  
He smiled in response. “I love you, too.”   
  
And in the secluded area of the Presidium, overlooking where their story began, they shared another kiss, just as tender as the last. 


End file.
